ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
