I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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