Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
