guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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