I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
