he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
