I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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