i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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