I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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