I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
this hospital has no fireball
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize