I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
