I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
