im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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