You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
