I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize