I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize