this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
