I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
