just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
