And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
