Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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