Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is Oprah even human
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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