I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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