if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
