His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
