What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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