do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
