Betty ford says i'm here all night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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