We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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