Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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