My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
