I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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