I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
