you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Found the puke drawer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
