I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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