He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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