Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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