I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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