The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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