Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
