I'm really into asian looking animals
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
