He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
