On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
