Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
