I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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