so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
