I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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