why didn't you poke me back
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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