but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
