You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
