You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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