Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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