We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
