oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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