You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
