Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
