VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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