Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
