On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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