she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
