I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize