that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You took a bar mat shot.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
