are you still at the devil's house?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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