i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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