I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
