I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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